Because I like to practise awareness, mindfulness and do self-analysis. I strongly believe in soul evolution and want to do and learn as much I can in my current life.
Many of my near and dear ones complain that I don’t call often and they don’t understand what keeps me busy all the time… Umm how to explain…I really don’t like small talks. And with people you have no connection or nothing in common, only small talk is left. It becomes very fake and I cannot stand fake. I just can’t do anything just for the heck of doing it. I don’t know if that is a plus or a minus but I am not comfortable. I know I need to be more tolerable and flexible but that is how I am at the moment.
With time I have realised, nothing is actually that important. Stuff like reactions, self-imagery, gossip, pressures: societal, peer and parental, rivalry, trying to prove yourself correct or going to any extent to prove a point, to win – all these are ego satisfying trips, in my opinion. Having said that, I won’t deny that I haven’t gone through these. I am still learning. But with time I am realising how unnecessary and time wasting these things really are. And so much of energy goes down the drain! I’d rather disconnect with such people/environment, spend time with myself, affirm and read positive stuff/good books, listen to some kickass music, be creative, practise mindfulness and gratitude and make the most of my present moment.
I do lose patience especially when the people concerned are family and relatives but now my sole intention is to follow what I believe in. Voice my opinion. Express myself as much as I can. I do find self-expression difficult. I want to overcome this hindrance and flow freely.
I am finding negativity, drama and people connected with it super repulsive with each passing day. I am trying to break all the fucking patterns.
That’s a lot of hard work mate! 😉
I still have a long way to go but at least I am on the right track. That is what matters to me now.
And hence there is a LOT that is keeping me busy.
PS: I wrote this post last night on my older blog.