Self Analysis & Mindfulness

Why am I always busy?

Because I like to practise awareness, mindfulness and do self-analysis.  I strongly believe in soul evolution and want to do and learn as much I can in my current life.

Many of my near and dear ones complain that I don’t call¬†often and they don’t understand what keeps me busy all the time…¬†Umm how to explain…I really¬†don’t¬†like small talks. And with people you have no connection or nothing in common, only small talk is left. It becomes very fake and I cannot stand fake. I just can’t do anything just for the heck of doing it. I¬†don’t know if that is a¬†plus or a minus but I am not¬†comfortable. I know I need to be more tolerable and flexible but that is how I am at the moment.
With time¬†I have realised, nothing is actually that important. Stuff like reactions, self-imagery, gossip, pressures: societal,¬†peer and parental, rivalry, trying to prove¬†yourself correct or going to any extent to prove a point, to win – all these are ego satisfying trips, in my opinion. Having said that,¬†I¬†won’t deny that¬†I¬†haven’t gone through these. I am still learning. But with time¬†I am¬†realising how¬†unnecessary and time wasting these things really are. And so much of energy goes down the drain!¬†I’d rather disconnect with such people/environment, spend time with myself, affirm and read positive stuff/good books, listen to some kickass music, be creative, practise mindfulness and¬†gratitude and make the most of my present moment.

I do lose patience especially when the people concerned are family and relatives but now my sole intention is to follow what I believe in. Voice my opinion. Express myself as much as I can. I do find self-expression difficult. I want to overcome this hindrance and flow freely.

I am finding negativity, drama and people connected with it super repulsive with each passing day. I am trying to break all the fucking patterns.

That’s a lot of hard work mate! ūüėČ

I still have a long way to go but at least I am on the right track. That is what matters to me now.

And hence there is a LOT that is keeping me busy.

PS: I wrote this post last night on my older blog. 

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